TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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