yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
