return my video game
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
