dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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