Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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