Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
