I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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