hell yes lets make some ravioli
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
