ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
vagina is talking i cant
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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