i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
