he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize