Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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