So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
