My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
