I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
