best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
