I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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