i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
