I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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