My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
