Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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