he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He did a backflip because drugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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