It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
