so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
