Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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