I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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