She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
