She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
