I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
