you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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