How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
