As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
