In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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