Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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