i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
