I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
