So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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