Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize