Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
