She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
