But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
