11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
