Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
