I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
