Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
