idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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