even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize