I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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