Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize