so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
