hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
