Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
