addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
