Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize