That's intense
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
