Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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