marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
