I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
