Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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