I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
