I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
