to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wish my penis had a tongue
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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