we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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