with your own penis?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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