I must be too annoying 4 u.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
