I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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