sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
