Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you. Go after that dick
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