I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
