hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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