after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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