Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
