I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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