he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
