no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
