I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize