I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
