Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
