even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
