We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
