i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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