i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
