I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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