i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
