why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
