I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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