yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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